Introducing the Speedy White Comet

I figure since the USA has the fiery-headed Flying Tomato (the effervescent Shaun White), the former USSR cannot do without its own approprately named sports icon. Without further ado, please hold your breath in anticipation of............The Speedy White Comet! (Like the Flying Tomato's ginger red mane, The Speedy White Comet also has noteworthy hair. Notice the bowl-cut front that tapers into a mullet tail. Yes, just like a comet.)

"Well, I'll be damned..." you may be saying to yourself, "I believe that Speedy White Comet is none other than famed Russian skater Yevgeny Plushchenko." Yes, my astute friend, it is. Behold his glory! And stay tuned for my live-action blog documenting his "out of this world" (haha, YES!) performance tonight.