The glove, the sequins, the sass. PS - He's NOT on coke.

Johnny "The Sass" Weir based his short program on a swan slowly dying. Appropriate in this bird flu tinged world of ours. And I leave it to a skater like The Sass to make political statements on ice.

Besides his bedazzled ensemble, which featured enough sequins and ribbons to outfit a team of male figure skaters and a lone red glove on his right hand, Weir gave what Dorothy Hamil called a "beautiful and intelligent performance." Weir wishes to make sure he stays away from the "let's snort coke" performances -- a term he's used in the past to describe his opponents musical selections.

Alas, The Sass, who loves chocolate milk, high fashion and Christina Aguilera, gave a fine performance, but not good enough to top The White Comet.

Like all the other non-Comets, The Sass opted out of a quad jump. Instead, his biggest moved was a lone triple axel. The Sass knows how to spin, though. The NMC commentators gave him accolades for deftly switching from "camel-toe" to the "outside edge" into his "sit'n'spin."

The Comet looked on from the stands...his mullet nestled in the nape of his neck. Yeah, the Comet's not worred. The Sass' score of 80 has nothing on The Comet's 95.66.

Game on!