Do not mess with this daunting totaliterian 'stache.

The Belarussian election: A battle for liberty and freedom...or a battle of the more distinctive facial hair? You be the judge.

Witness the candidates:


This is Aleksandr Milinkevich. He is a former physicist. He sports a full beard, but it is grey and scruffy. Not the mark of a dictator.

Now, behold the "favorite," Aleksandr Lukashenko:

He has been coined "Europe's last dictator" by the US State Department. He threatened to declare any opposition protests a "terrorist act." He arrested and jailed many of Milinkevich's associates just for being Milinkevich's associates. He sports a mustache. It is an unnatural brown and quite menacing. Clearly, Lukashenko is making a strong statement with his upper lip.

Witness the scrutiny of these attentive voters:

Take this old man, for example. He is more attracted to Lukashenko's 'stache. Notice he is creeping over toward it and away from Milinkevich's weaker, less prevalent beard.


This woman takes a closer look at the candidates as Lukashenko's 'stache looks down upon here.


The people have "chosen." According to Belarus state results (which, of course, are under the power of the 'stache), Lukashenko won with 87 percent of the vote. Exit polls (that claim to be independent of the 'stache) recorded that "only" 47 percent of the population supported the 'stache.

Regardless, the 'stache remains -- bolder, browner and more bogus than ever.

Let's have a cultural exchange!

Bush once looked into the eyes of Putin and said he could see his soul. Yet, alas, we have finally come to a time when foreign policy scholars and practitioners are catching onto that Nonsense. In light of the re-growth of political animosity between Russia and the US (this is evident in looking at the US-Russia review* released last week), I propose a new peace mechanism -- Vitas, Russia's most mysterious pop-star. I propose that both Bush and Putin look into the eyes of this enigmatic man, whose website brags he is "the artist you've been waiting for." His simple message, "ulybnis" (smile), which he draws in a table full of cocaine, and his voice, which would make any eunich proud, transcends real politik. It transcends democracy, war, and nuclear proliferation. Wait no more! Bush, Putin, World: Pump up the volume, dim the lights, remove all glass items from your environs and brace yourself for the magic that is Vitas.



Thank God for youtube.com.

*For a link to the full review, click on the word "report" in the first paragraph of the article found here: http://www.antiwar.com/lobe/?articleid=8670

We are in a world of shit...

And the shit just might power your microwave, TV, and hair-straightener...at least if you're in San Francisco.

Discovery Channel news writes, "San Francisco is hoping to convert its dog dung into energy that may be able to power everything from an electricity-generating turbine to a home stove, according to Norcal Waste Systems Inc., which oversees garbage collection, recycling and disposal for San Francisco and several other Northern California cities."

But is a bitch's shit really worth its weight in gold? According to William Brinton, president of Woods End Laboratories, Inc., who spends his time in Maine turning shit into power, "What's wonderful about dog manure is that it is very high in energy because of the rich diets we feed our pets. We anticipate that it will yield as much energy as food scraps, which can produce $20 to $30 of energy per ton of waste."

Isn't technology glorious?!?!

Check out the whole article here: http://dsc.discovery.com/news/briefs/20060220/dogpoop_ani.html

I never thought this would turn into a man-skating blog, but I'll be damned if I don't spread the word!

The Washington Post got the scoop – they went shopping with Johnny Weir and wrote a telling expose! Below are the most poignant excerpts that make up some of the many reason about why I love Johnny Weir:

He owns 103 pairs of sunglasses: “Johnny spots a pair of $320 Roberto Cavalli shades. He gives them to the saleslady to ring up. This, he says, will bring his sunglasses collection to 103 pairs, which he keeps arranged in drawers according to designer.”

He doesn’t tie his shoes instead, he “arranges” them: “Sitting down to arrange the laces on his new sneakers (whose laces he refuses to tie but instead carefully wraps and tucks in elaborate fashion)…”

He doesn’t hate children, but “Weir considers clothes and handbags and sunglasses his children.”

He is sensitive: “[W]hen he sees someone with a knockoff handbag, ‘it hurts my feelings,’ he says.”

He’s modest: “Next, he tries on a pair of $450 Dior jeans, which, he decides, do not make him look “bootylicious.’”

His dog knows what’s what: Johnny bought a “Louis Vuitton doggy carrying case, which his dog did not like ("he peed in it"), so Johnny returned it and got another bag for himself.” And now Louis Vuitton has a bag with dog piss in it.

He loves jewels: “Johnny wears three chains with a knotted mess of pendants, including two Stars of David, an Israeli army dog tag, an Italian horn to protect him from the mal occhio , or evil eye, a miraculous medal of Mary, and the letter D, which stands for the Christina Aguilera song "Dirrty," because Christina Aguilera is his role model.”

He loves Jews: “He says he's been obsessed with the Holocaust since he was little and considers himself "a little bit" Jewish, although he isn't, not technically. He says he's had his past lives read and found out that most recently he was a Jewish girl from Poland during World War II.”

And, he owns this classy number: “a Dolce & Gabbana hoodie he says reads "Sex trainer: Best to practice seven days a week.’”

Love him!

Source: http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2006/02/21/AR2006022101861.html

No words necesary.

Shhh... Don't speak. Just watch and listen (please crank your volume up now.): http://www.plushenko.ru/

Fashion moment of the night.

Euro-trash is back!

And, yes, Belgian fashion plate Kevin Van Der Perren did, in fact, skate to the techno.

Overall, two Gs up!

The glove, the sequins, the sass. PS - He's NOT on coke.

Johnny "The Sass" Weir based his short program on a swan slowly dying. Appropriate in this bird flu tinged world of ours. And I leave it to a skater like The Sass to make political statements on ice.

Besides his bedazzled ensemble, which featured enough sequins and ribbons to outfit a team of male figure skaters and a lone red glove on his right hand, Weir gave what Dorothy Hamil called a "beautiful and intelligent performance." Weir wishes to make sure he stays away from the "let's snort coke" performances -- a term he's used in the past to describe his opponents musical selections.

Alas, The Sass, who loves chocolate milk, high fashion and Christina Aguilera, gave a fine performance, but not good enough to top The White Comet.

Like all the other non-Comets, The Sass opted out of a quad jump. Instead, his biggest moved was a lone triple axel. The Sass knows how to spin, though. The NMC commentators gave him accolades for deftly switching from "camel-toe" to the "outside edge" into his "sit'n'spin."

The Comet looked on from the stands...his mullet nestled in the nape of his neck. Yeah, the Comet's not worred. The Sass' score of 80 has nothing on The Comet's 95.66.

Game on!

The Speedy White Comet soars on!

Sporting a 5-o'clock shadow and a black sequined outfit, the Comet opened his program with a quad toe (that's right, ya'll QUAD), triple toe combo. He then did a triple axel. And then a triple lutz. And now, the highlight: spastic ice-dancing. He looked like Edward Norton fighting with himself in "Fight Club. For effect, he did a little running man and ended, appropriately, with a sit'n'spin. Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaamn, you go Comet!

As Dorothy Hamil said, "He's layed down the gauntlet."

Fo' real, don't fuck with the Comet. He'll burn you.

Score: 90.66 -- highest total EVER in a the men's short program.

Men's figure skating is so damn twisted.

As if the Speedy White Comet alone isn't enough to draw the world to men's figure skating, now, I'm finding out that the USA is home to the sassiest of the man-skaters -- Johnny Weir. Here are some sweet excerpts from his journal:

Johnny Weir on free speech: "It's funny to me that in our modern world, when free speech and free thinking is thought to be our savior, we can still be criticized for not thinking like everyone else. We might as well be communist if that's the case."

Johnny Weir on St. Louis: "I arrived in Saint Louis without really knowing where Saint Louis was...I soon found that Saint Louis was like a ghost town."

Johnny Weir on fashion: "...I was wearing a chinchilla scarf that someone thought was a boa. First of all, boas are so out. Secondly, I would never wear a boa to a press conference."

Johnny Weir on narcotics: "Just to set the record straight, I do not condone narcotics and other illegal substances, I am simply a young person who knows the lingo and I joke about them. Well, one little analogy and I'm thrown into a shit storm of people hating on me."

Johnny Weir on the Olympics: "I am worried about the Olympic Village situation because there is always an epidemic of flu or ebola or something horrible and I don't want to get sick and have it hamper my first Olympics."

Words of wisdom, people.

Read more of Johnny's journal @ http://www.figureskatersonline.com/johnnyweir/journal.html.

PS - His critics can "eat it."

Introducing the Speedy White Comet

I figure since the USA has the fiery-headed Flying Tomato (the effervescent Shaun White), the former USSR cannot do without its own approprately named sports icon. Without further ado, please hold your breath in anticipation of............The Speedy White Comet! (Like the Flying Tomato's ginger red mane, The Speedy White Comet also has noteworthy hair. Notice the bowl-cut front that tapers into a mullet tail. Yes, just like a comet.)

"Well, I'll be damned..." you may be saying to yourself, "I believe that Speedy White Comet is none other than famed Russian skater Yevgeny Plushchenko." Yes, my astute friend, it is. Behold his glory! And stay tuned for my live-action blog documenting his "out of this world" (haha, YES!) performance tonight.

Good old winter cheer...

Usually Moscow and Boston have a lot in common as far as winter weather goes. However, this year, Boston has chosen to skip out on the snow. Moscow, on the other hand, has been bombarded. It's kind of sad for us here in the first world, though. I mean, I can't walk down the street and look at all the usual snow sculptures that the kids spend so much of their time making. Lucky for everyone, Moscow has more than made up for any snow creation that could exist here.

In an unusual festive manner, Muscovites have built more than 200 snowpeople on their famous pedestrian street, The Arbat. There're snowmen, snow families, snow-women, snow pets and, of course, everyone's favorite, creepy snow child molesters.



I think the big one's eye is twitching...